CONFESSION #2 - Letting go of fear.
A lot can change in 10 years. The photo on the left is a 28 yr old girl who has a 9 month old baby. She is proud of herself for being skinny and lean. She’s skinnier at the age of 28, after her first baby, than she was in her college years. She watched everything she ate, kept a food journal and even avoided social situations to not be tempted by the wrong food and alcohol.
I was head over heels in love when I had my first baby. It was the greatest moment of my life. But then the darkness set in and I was terrified that if I couldn’t look a certain way, no one would want to hire me as their fitness coach. I told myself a story that if I didn’t have the “look” of a fitness model, I’d be portrayed as a less knowledgeable professional. I had the education, knowledge and success stories of my students kicking ass, but it wasn’t enough for me. My only self worth was if I could see my abs that day. I lived in fear.
Here we are 10 years later. Let’s be honest, I’m 8-10 pounds heavier now. I’ve also stopped telling myself the lies that I have to be ripped to be worth something. Today I feel better than ever. I eat bread, tacos, homemade pizzas and even have a tequila from time to time. I put coconut sugar in my coffee and love every sip of it. I’m stronger, I’m happier, I no longer live in fear. I’ve let go of that old story running in my head. I love my lifestyle! The good news is I have a choice to change it when and if I choose to.
I now know I love myself and I’m an awesome coach š regardless of whether I have a ripped stomach or a bloated PMS belly.
I’m here to inhale every single ounce of this life. Even when it sucks! Because it can suck a lot. The suck makes those good moments shine brighter than ever. All I want to do is catch them and save them forever.
Your kindness and love for others is what it’s all about. No more living in fear of having to look a certain way to feel self worth. It feels great to be free!
Read CONFESSION #3 - I haven't always loved females.
2 comments:
Thank you Lauren for your real confession. I too have spent way too much time, energy and fear being focused on my weight. I am 60. I've been dieting since I was 15. I finally broke up with the scale after 45 yrs. Liberating. The scale never told me how good a mom I am, or how great my marriage is, or how much service I do for others.
I no longer deny myself every food I want. That was presenting a problem of craving it all the time anyway. I added a slice of sourdough and a cup of coffee to my day. I have not been chastising myself if I have some chocolate or alcohol in a week. I too am 10 lbs more than would be my ideal, but the cost both mentally and emotionally for being so focused on the scale was not worth the price. I feel more relaxed, joyful and free as a result of this choice. I have accepted what my body is and isn't.
I complete 45-1hr- 3x a week, following your kettleball tapes. I feel strong and healthy!
Thank you for verbalizing what so many of us women go thru. It's helpful to know that even though you are a fitness coach, you struggle with the same issues we all do.
You inspire me!
We're planning to try for a baby in a year or two, and the prospect of losing my current body terrifies me... I've worked hard and eaten clean and am fitter than I was 10 years ago; friends and colleagues turn to me for health, fitness and nutrition information. I'm not a fitness coach and my career doesn't rely on my physique, but it's sort of become an identity. It will be difficult to let go...
But I will. It will be all okay for every one of us! :)
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